The more people want to talk to me about my future the more I wish I was a turtle. Turtles have the amazing ability to hide from their fear inside a one of a kind shell of body armor, and that's all I want to do right now. I don't want to play adult right now, I don't want to think of what's to come, and I don't want to talk about it to anyone. I just want to run away. I can't bring myself to do any kind of running though, physical or metaphorical (thanks knee surgery), so I pretend that I'm thrilled to talk about my future.
I will admit though that sometimes future talk makes me feel pretty good. Today, and almost everyday that this one nurse is the hospital's rapid response nurse, I was pulled aside and given a pep talk about what an amazing nurse I will be and how I was born for the Intensive Care Unit. Now, it's funny, the moment I decided nursing was my future I decided the ICU department was to be apart of that future. It was something I kept to myself, until recently, and never really thought anyone took notice to me. But I was wrong. So, instead of taking the compliment, I went and asked everyone working if that nurse has ever done that to them. Turns out he doesn't. So I asked him if he was serious about what he has had told me everyday we have worked together for the past two and a half years.
This girl is born to work ICU! Turns out, I'm quite the topic there, all the ICU nurses I know believe that I am born to be in that'd department, a few of them even stated they're counting the days until I'm out of nursing school. Now I'm starting to as well.
Like, Whoa.
This is the story of a young woman's journey into some kind of adulthood
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
All good things
It's been years since I last penned my thoughts down in any form of journaling, but I've anyways felt that it was the only way for me to properly express my inner self, so here goes nothing.
In just a couple of months I will be a quarter of a century old, and it's hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would. I feel ashamed of all that I have not accomplished as of today. I have no degree in anything I would like to, I am not married, and I am a mother of no one. Although, to many, I have all the time in the world, I just felt as though I would be a new person by the age of twenty-five. The more I say twenty-five the more I feel as though I am running out of time. Depression is setting in quickly and I all I can do is smile because, even though I am not the Brittany I always imagined I would be by this time, I am alive and I am blessed.
God gave me all the tools needed to have a beautiful and successful life. I am the only woman I know in her young twenties that owns her own home. I have a loving and generous boyfriend that does all he can to make our lives as easy as possible. My family is there every time I need them, no questions asked. I have a job that puts food on my table and pays the bills. I have an education, and no one can take that from me. All these things and more make my life pleasant. I am lucky, and yet I still feel as though I have nothing to show for my twenty-five years of life.
There are people in my life I wish I still had, and those I wish I had the courage to say goodbye to. There are memories I look back on with regret, and there are thousands more I can't wait to make. Months until I am twenty-five and months to attempt to accomplish so many goals I had set for myself. It's going to be an interesting 2015.
In just a couple of months I will be a quarter of a century old, and it's hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would. I feel ashamed of all that I have not accomplished as of today. I have no degree in anything I would like to, I am not married, and I am a mother of no one. Although, to many, I have all the time in the world, I just felt as though I would be a new person by the age of twenty-five. The more I say twenty-five the more I feel as though I am running out of time. Depression is setting in quickly and I all I can do is smile because, even though I am not the Brittany I always imagined I would be by this time, I am alive and I am blessed.
God gave me all the tools needed to have a beautiful and successful life. I am the only woman I know in her young twenties that owns her own home. I have a loving and generous boyfriend that does all he can to make our lives as easy as possible. My family is there every time I need them, no questions asked. I have a job that puts food on my table and pays the bills. I have an education, and no one can take that from me. All these things and more make my life pleasant. I am lucky, and yet I still feel as though I have nothing to show for my twenty-five years of life.
There are people in my life I wish I still had, and those I wish I had the courage to say goodbye to. There are memories I look back on with regret, and there are thousands more I can't wait to make. Months until I am twenty-five and months to attempt to accomplish so many goals I had set for myself. It's going to be an interesting 2015.
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